Within a minute of the first mission, you're swamped by legions of aliens. Tragically, the Corporate missions are about as subtle as a kick in the furry spheres. Eh-hem, right, where wasI? Oh yes, while showering, you're called away mid-lather to go and find the aliencontrolling artefact in some ancient underground ruins, leaving your boyfriend Dimitri cupping his balls in frustration in anticipation of your return.

Still, could come in handy if she wants to reserve a parking space for her APC. At least that's what they look like in the shower-scene intro thanks to the Lithtech engine's slightly suspect character rendenng. Having played as the so-called good guy in AvP2 (a heroic looking marine with an American accent and a jaw you could forge metal on), here you play an apparently evil Corporate soldier called Dunya, with a Russian accent and breasts like a pair of giant traffic cones. However, try as it might to copy the best elements of its bigger sister, Primal Hunt fails in almost every way. Each of these contains three missions, which in an attempt to emulate AvP2, interlock to form one overall picture. Just like before, you get to play through three campaigns, human, Predator, and in a very slight twist, Predalien.

Well, let's start at the beginning, which apparently, is a very good place to start. So just where did it all go so horribly wrong? Yes it was all looking so promising when I was told what to expect from AvP2's first expansion pack, Primal Hunt.

The single most terrifying game ever and I were once again to be reunited, entwined in a frenzied bond of blown off limbs and melted skin (I usually have to pay a kind lady from Kings Cross for that sort of thing), screams of child-like fear and an endless barrage of shouted expletives as dead bodies swim in a vat of blood. Intestines, liver, spleen, kidneys and a windpipe if I remember correctly. The rekindling of the love affair I shared with AvP2, the game I gave my heart to last Christmas, but one to which I lost far more. Three new sets of interlocking missions they claimed, which would capture the essence of the original AvP2 and answer the questions about the mysterious artefact from that very game, the one which gives the bearer control over the acid-filled alien hordes.

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